the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
