Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
