my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I deserve this hangover.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
