actually, I'm a sock model
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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