what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
