she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
