oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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