I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hippo gnu deer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
