oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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