I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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