no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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