How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
