...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
