She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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