the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
