My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
