Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
