Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you never un-have a 4some
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my liver is dry heaving
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
