god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize