Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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