i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i came on her dog
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
