so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
