Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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