Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
