paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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