i just google imaged poop.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
