remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
