i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize