if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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