Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
