The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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