Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
