I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
