i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you. Go after that dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
