I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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