I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
