I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
