she was so not down for the gang bang
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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