Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
