He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
