You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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