we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
