new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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