Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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