What a fucking waste of an outfit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
