I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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