I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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