You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
