after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
