what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
