he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
