so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize