so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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