I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
