okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
