Apparently you make a good broom.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
