She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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