you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
