just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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