At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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