Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
