I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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