the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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