Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
