My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
