I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So vagazzling was a success
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
