I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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