was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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