Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
