the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
