it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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