my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
