I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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