Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My liver just had a heart attack.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize